Crawling to the Finish Line

Yesterday was supposed to be my big day – my last Carbo treatment. The title above should be boasting that I only have two more treatments left, not further delays. Unfortunately, yesterday my pesky white blood cells betrayed me for the third (and a half) time, and my doctors sent me home with no treatment. I’m neutropenic, which is a fancy way of saying that my ability to fight off infections is very compromised. I was 200 (somethings) shy of the required count for acceptable levels for chemo. Argh!!

I was/am definitely bummed. I had a great week, and even felt pretty good last weekend. I was out and about more, and I did some major organizing projects in my house. It felt good to be a productive person again. It’s been so long since I’ve felt accomplished, especially on a weekend. While I wasn’t expecting to have low counts and to be sent home, I’ve learned that it happens and that how I feel doesn’t necessarily dictate how my labs will turn out (which always baffles me).

On the bright side, instead of feeling yucky and chemical-y all weekend, Brent and I were instead able to escape to our cabin in NC for the weekend on the spur of the moment. That’s definitely the silver lining. Even though it’s just raining here, this is our happy place, and we both really needed a break. We’re very happy to be here!

I don’t know what this latest delay means for my finish line. Will they shave off my last Taxol and let me miss another dose? Or will my finish line now end on April 17? All of this impacts the timing of my surgery as well, so I’m anxious to know where it will all end. Honestly, I really don’t think I’ll truly know until it’s just over. I could still have low counts next week, even after no treatment. That has happened before. I’ll try to not be frustrated if that happens but…no, if I’m being honest, I’ll be very irritated.

If all goes well though (and we’ll think positive thoughts for that), I’ll be getting Carbo and Taxol this Thursday and I’ll be one step closer to the finish line.

Pray for my white blood cells to flourish!

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5 responses

  1. Prayers for your spirit to endure and fight til you get the news you deserve! Praying for those white blood cells to improve and multiply.

  2. Thank you!!! I was diagnosed with TNBC this week. Feeling alone and scared. Helps to know I’m not alone and that someone is going through the treatment they are recommending for me. Thank you, I can’t say it enough. I will be praying for you! Xoxo AL

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